


A Sense of Longing

by Corvivacious



Category: Green Eggs and Ham (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:33:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21639643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corvivacious/pseuds/Corvivacious
Summary: On their way to East Flubria, Sam struggles with not understanding his feelings-both for his mother and best friend, Guy. Hanging off the edge, Sam reveals his fears and regrets, and love confession, to him.
Relationships: Guy Am I & Sam I Am (Green Eggs and Ham), Guy Am I/Sam I Am (Green Eggs and Ham)
Comments: 37
Kudos: 298





	A Sense of Longing

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is an old fic that i don't consider my best, as my headcanon-y views on the show have shifted since the making of this fic back in 2019, but i still find it a comfort to come back to. not to mention it's my biggest fic currently!..thank you for the support aha
> 
> fic edited on 12/25/20

It had been a week since Guy and Sam started their journey to East Flubria. Ever since Sam connected the diner’s egg shipment to her location, he was eager to find anything on his mother; just a smidge of hope, and maybe then he’ll find the answers to his countless questions.

The duo had made their fair share of travel, be it on train, bus, and surprisingly motorcycle. Yet they knew that with Sam’s criminal record still up in the air, they’d be questioned soon, and Guy didn’t want to take any chances. He decided midway through their trip that they’d be going on foot.

Sam didn’t mind at first, but soon enough the pain in walking, alongside his confusing swell of emotions, made the bandit exhausted. 

He wasn’t sure how to describe the sudden rush of feelings flooding his mind. He couldn’t quite articulate  _ when _ exactly they sprung up, but one thing was for certain: Guy was the main cause.

He wasn’t definite on his feelings for Guy. It often went from “best friend!” to “having you around makes me feel safe and happy, knowing once in my life someone decided to stay.” It was unbearably nagging, considering Sam hadn’t had those types of thoughts before. Both increasingly blurred in meaning the more they switched, leaving Sam paranoid on what it could all mean.

These thoughts continued to pester him, not waiting for a moment of closure. It didn’t help that the weather was becoming progressively gloomier the more they walked on foot.

Unlike the last time they were stuck outside in the rain, the two were prepared for the occasion. Guy brought out his briefcase and, almost as if it were an endless void of supplies, pulled out a wrapped-up tent and a lantern. 

The rain’s hardened blows began once the tent was set, so being completely soaked wasn’t something they had to worry about.

It was a snug tent meant for two. There was little-to-no space for it to consider sleeping bags, but Guy attempted anyway. Ever since he and Sam began their journey, he’s been more brave and willing to go the unusual route. Being around Sam definitely gave him the kick to do outrageous things; fleeing from the cops and walking barefoot in the wet, stormy woods was nothing compared to last week.

The night sky darkened with the hint of stars being nowhere to be seen. The moon’s glow glimpsed through the wandering, black clouds, the rain never stopping to settle. The brisk air almost took over the duo before they closed the tent flaps behind them.

The tent, green as can ever be (and  _ definitely _ the color Sam asked for), contrasted with the lantern’s crisp, yellow flare. The lantern wasn’t electrical, meaning Guy has to swipe a match to light it. Its small, yet effective glow radiated within the tent. 

Sam messed with his fur to get rid of any loose rain. He made sure to dry off his hat as well, gently knocking off the droplets from it. Guy did the same, the two operating in silence. The lantern’s crackle was the only noise to occupy them.

Sam sat crisscrossed in front of Guy, unsure of how to start a possible conversation. The more time he spent with him on the trip, the more reclusive he got. It was unlike him to ever consider that attitude—and Guy secretly thought the same. Sam believed that, knowing Guy and Michellee were bonding closer than he’d imagined, that he didn’t want to be caught in the middle.

Besides, Sam had other things to worry about. His mother. The drive to cause little trouble as possible.

The last thing Sam wanted was to hurt Guy. So much damage had already been done with their relationship when Guy learned of his “best friend’s” con jobs. Sam didn’t want to cause another fuss, no matter what it took.

Guy, however, was willing to be more open. While still being the grump he was, he started to subconsciously share Sam’s outgoing personality. He had found this unspoken appreciation towards Sam after helping Mr. Jenkins, and some way, somehow, he wanted his actions to reflect that.

Sam could recall small instances of Guy doing these subtle actions, be it a gentle touch on the knee or a palm on his shoulder. Sam had often been the one to initiate these, and while he didn’t frown upon Guy’s attempts, he was unsure of what to think about it. Too much to process when surrounded with other qualms, anyway.

Their relationship had always been platonic; neither felt the opportunity to confess anything deeper. It was perfect the way it was, and either were too occupied with the journey to tamper the connection they had now.

And yet the two weren’t dense to each other’s affections. They regarded each other as close friends, being the ultimate wingmans to each other, being the emotional support they needed for too long. They were well aware of how much they needed each other. 

It was difficult, though, for them to fully embrace that and speak it out loud. Despite them knowing they cared for the other, it wasn’t often that they were able to share that.

Both of them could easily recall their time together in the tent, sitting on a certain someone’s treehouse. Guy listened to Sam’s story, his heart struck in confusion and guilt over what Sam told him. To think the Knox was the only one with problems, his friend was the one to reveal a delicate part of his own struggles. It hid so many vulnerabilities that Guy didn’t believe that there was more than what Sam told him.

He was proven otherwise, sadly, and their trust shattered.

But things were different now. Their emotional scars healed, and the two helped tended to each other’s wounds. Now they were set on finding Sam’s biggest dream. All they could hope for was their trust to stay intact.

Back in the green tent, the mood was eerily silent besides the lantern’s crackle and the dapple of rain trickling down the roof. Despite Sam’s quietness, he had been acting in a lively manner that morning, making him and Guy a healthy batch of green eggs and ham. The two chatted as normal, the occasional, loving gestures aired throughout.

But Sam lessened his peppy attitude once his emotions hit him. He hoped to keep his spirits up through conversation, but it didn’t seem like Guy was sure to do the same, either.

Yet it didn’t take long to wash that fear away. Clearing his throat, Guy noted in a grumbly voice: “I don’t think the rain will settle any time soon. The tent’s rather small, too.” He was on his knees, shuffling his hands through his sleeping bag to see if he had packed a book to read.

“Maybe if you brought me along shopping, I would’ve picked the  _ best  _ size,” Sam said in a lighthearted tone, his usual, whimsical nature shining.

Guy pointed at Sam. “If  _ I  _ brought you along, I’m sure you would’ve gotten the biggest and most expensive one just to spite me,” he said playfully.

There was a pause before Sam looked up to the side and shrugged his shoulders, making both of them chuckle.

Their laughter smoothed once Guy finally felt his hand find contact with his book. He pulled an informative text out, skimming through the pages, but barely retaining the information given to him.

Glancing down at the pages, Guy’s eyes lit up before looking at Sam. “Oh, I almost forgot. Michellee said she might be able to meet up with us tomorrow.”

Sam had been staring down at the floor, not eager to say anything else, but the word  _ Michellee _ made him alert. 

“She’s got a meeting a few towns down. I’m sure she’ll be happy to hear our ‘crusade through unknown territory,’” Guy said, amused, as he looked at Sam for an answer.

It took a moment for Sam to turn his head up, cheerful attitude reviving. “That’s great news! I can’t wait to see her. Is she bringing E.B. along?”

“Hm, I don’t think so,” Guy replied. “Lately, she’s been letting E.B. do her own thing, meaning she’s staying home alone a lot more. Though it’s with the usual rule, of course. It’s good to know Michellee’s adapting to her kid’s wild lifestyle.”

“Oh, for sure!” Sam said, giddy. His respect for E.B. held no bounds. He could recall all the amazing things she did in helping him and Mr. Jenkins find his way home.

Guy nodded at the comment, noticing how quick Sam’s answer was and how he didn’t clarify further, but didn’t want to question it. “Yeah..E.B. and Michellee are quite amazing.”

Sam figured Guy would go back to his book, ignoring him entirely, but Guy kept his eyes on him. He held a worried expression.

“...Sam?” Guy asked calmly.

Sam kept his eyes on the floor, only taking notice of the question seconds after.

“Sam, is everything alright? You haven’t been yourself lately.” Guy asked again. His words held this sense of grief, the same kind he felt when Sam told the truth about his mom. Guy was sure not to escalate anything from either person, so he let Sam answer in his own time.

Sam slowly traced his fingers on the floor, making nonsensical shapes to avoid Guy’s face. A sorrowful look formed. Before he spoke, Sam clasped his hands together on his lap, staring blankly at them.

“I’ve...been having a lot of trouble thinking about my mom, and...if she’ll actually love me.”

Guy’s eyebrows rose. He knew that Sam had a hard time dealing with even the  _ idea _ of his mother—is she alive? Will she accept Sam? Was she a bad person just trying to get a fresh start? It was all a meshed plate of worries and fears that nobody would dare to savor, especially not Sam.

Still, Guy asked. “Why do you say that?” His calm voice continued to surface, not once did it form back to his typical, grouchy tone.

“I mean,” Sam started, shrugging his shoulders.  _ Gosh, what to even  _ say _? _ , he pondered. He spoke out loud this time, paraphrasing his thoughts the best way he could. “I’m afraid she won’t be this idealistic person in my mind, that maybe she won’t be..a  _ mother  _ in my eyes.”

“Sam—“ 

“That’s awful to say, I know!” Sam cut him off. “I don’t actually mean it. But this is the first time I’ll actually be able to meet her.” If  _ she’s still alive and well _ , Sam thought glumly. “What if she doesn’t care about me? What if the reason she left me was because I was some bratty kid who couldn’t provide anything to her life? Or some kind of mistake she didn’t want to have?”

The little sneak sighed, letting his shoulders loosen before rubbing his forehead in aggravation. Guy was left to ponder on what Sam said, and there was a range of emotion drawn on his face: a disorganized canvas of shock and sorrow with no way of deciphering its message.

“Sam, I...I believe she cares about you very much.” Guy told him. Guy was careful to mention Sam’s mother in present tense; the idea of her in passing made both of them shiver. 

Guy shifted his body to sit crisscross and put his hands on his knees. The two were fairly apart (“apart” being only a couple of feet in a tiny tent, but enough where physical contact wasn’t viable by a reach).

Sam wanted to believe Guy’s comment, but deep down he was in the dark from the truth—especially if he had nothing to go off of. “I just...want to know that I’m loved. I love so much but nobody seems to offer it back. You feel the same, don’t you?

“Like, ya know. Love as in you’re in a happy home with your friends and family, never feeling like you’re out of place. And despite what I have now, there’s times where I feel  _ exactly _ that.”

“You’d never be a stranger in our eyes. You’re a part of our family no matter what,” Guy reminded him. Sure, their family wasn’t connected by blood, but their love and devotion for each other went strong.

“I’m sure you mean well, and I don’t  _ not _ believe you, but—“ Sam cut it short. Balancing his hat on one hand, he rubbed his fingers through his head fur on another, stressed out of his mind. “I don’t know what to believe when I don’t even know if my mother is  _ alive. _ ”

The Knox kept quiet, taking notice of Sam’s chest beginning to heave in and out. The bandit’s heart was racing. No tears poured down, but the way things were going—if things were worse now, without the connections Sam had made and kept til now—Sam might’ve. 

“..Guy?” Sam asked. The one mentioned looked at him, but Sam continued to keep his eyes on the floor.

“Yes?”

“Do you...actually love Michellee?” Sam asked. His words stung with sudden regret.

Guy raised an eyebrow.“I do as a friend. She’s smart and kind, and doesn’t overstep my boundaries,” he said honestly.

_ Overstep my boundaries.  _ Sam couldn’t help but feel like that was a silent jab at himself; he was known to be meddling, after all. There had to be a reason Guy added that in.

“But the way you two look at each other?” He questioned.

The Knox only looked more confused. “Why are you suddenly so worried about me and Michellee possibly being together?” Guy asked, his tone coming off more stern than he had hoped.

“I’m not! I—” Sam harshly remarked, cringing at his own words. He sighed before continuing, his tone a bit quieter. “I’m not. I’m just in a bad spot right now. I can’t manage my feelings nor understand what my feelings are for people. I don’t know if I’m actually accepted by the people I love.” 

He paused, taking a breath as to control his spiraling thoughts. “I-I don’t want to be forgotten again. I don’t want to be brushed aside like all the rest of the people in my life did.”

Sam was choking up on his words. He was sure not to cause a sob, but he more than noticed how on edge he felt. 

Guy looked at him gloomily. The rain continued their pitter-patter on the tent’s roof. The flame in the lantern was still. Guy glanced at Sam’s hand, which had drawn shapes on the floor before, was now digging through the fabric like claws through stone.

Guy shuffled closer. Sam didn’t move; his eyes were shielded by his hand, and he didn’t want to look anyone in the eye. Guy carefully put his left palm on Sam’s shoulder, just like he did back in his treehouse. He didn’t usher anything, nor did he demand an answer nor a confession from him.

All Guy wanted was for Sam to feel safe.

He noticed every single quirk Sam was performing at that moment, every shy and timid word that left his lips, and he knew that everything Sam did and said was genuine. 

The little fella had been struck with a ray of emotions that neither one could fully process or understand. The best thing to do was just… _ listen _ .

Sam was quiet for a while, but he wasn’t dense to the contact on his shoulder. He wasn’t sure how to react—he was grieving so much already that commenting on it wasn’t on his mind. Finally, he let out a few words once he thought it over.

“I’m sorry.” Sam mumbled. “It wasn’t right to target all those questions onto you.”

“It’s okay,” Guy whispered with a quick shrug; knowing what Sam was going through, he wasn’t affected by the suddenness. 

“I’m just—I don’t—“ Sam stopped in slight annoyance. The sheer idea of his thoughts being concise that night was a mere wish.

Guy wanted to offer another “It’s okay”, but in fear of being redundant, he instead held his hold on Sam’s shoulder a bit tighter. Not where it would be impossible for Sam to remove it, but enough where it said “I’m here for you. I won’t let go until you want me to.”

Sam continued. “I’m so afraid of the future that I hide it behind my usual, happy persona. Because I  _ love  _ being happy. I don’t  _ love  _ feeling down. But even I get confused...what even is ‘love’? What do I consider to be so?”

Guy remained quiet, trying to find eye contact with his friend, but Sam stayed persistent. 

“I’m afraid that...” Sam started, and Guy listened intently. “I’m afraid that whoever I love won’t love me back.”

Sam clenched his hands into fists, his eyes shutting tight at his own voice. His secret was out.

Once Guy heard this, a sort of revelation hit him. Was Sam saying that he liked him?

His mind started to race with all those “quirks” Sam displayed, and it made sense to Guy even before Sam alluded to it. They were all pure, maybe even a little farsighted, but done by an honest effort by someone who cared about Guy deeply. 

Somebody who gave him hope and never looked down on him, even after their one and only rough patch.

Yet it still made him question: did he like him back? 

Guy slowly raised his hand off Sam’s shoulder.

Sam knew what was happening. He kept his eyes shut. “I’m sorry. That was silly of me to say.” He tried laughing it off.

But Guy didn’t retract his hand away.

“I don’t know how you could ever love—“ 

Sam’s voice trembled to a stop when he could feel Guy’s palm on his cheek. Out of nervous shock, Sam gestured his head to look at Guy’s eyes, the first time in a while that they’ve shared eye contact.

Guy looked at him in the most gentle way Sam had ever seen him. His chest was tight, but seeing Sam’s eyes finally made him breathe out a sigh. Half lidded eyes and a closed smile radiated on his face, his fingers brushing through the unkempt fluff of Sam’s fur.

Sam felt the steady warmth coming from Guy’s palm. It comforted him like no other; he never had this type of contact with anyone before. He was one to initiate affection on anyone that was willing (or even unwilling) to take it. 

But here Guy was, making this his own action. It was surprising and world shattering to the small adult, yet he couldn’t help but bury his whole face in it. He attempted to restrain himself.

Sam closed his eyes slightly to embrace the warmth. Guy continued smiling, never letting his gaze off his best friend.

“You’re very important to me, you know that?” Guy whispered. Sam looked at him again, letting that wonderful gaze hit him once more, before nodding. “You’re the one who stepped into my life and made it so much bigger, so much better than I’d imagine it being.

“You’re never shy to express your friendship for me. You always cared….” Guy paused to rub his thumb gently over his partner’s fur, completely taken aback by how Sam wasn’t fleeting away in confusion or hurt. 

The fact that he was doing this and  _ himself  _ not fleeting away almost made his body tremble, just by how Sam continuously gave him that gaze and silently rubbed his fur against the Knox’s palm. It was an universally different feeling to make a move on someone that wasn’t used to giving it, but Guy was more than willing to keep it going. 

With Sam here, he was braver than he had ever been in all his years of living.

“You always listened.” Guy ended softly. He silently moved closer, peering into Sam’s emerald eyes.

Sam placed a hand on Guy’s wrist, the one holding his cheek, and quietly combed his fingers through Guy’s fur. The Knox was practically vibrating in warmth, almost like the AC back in the Am-I’s establishment. It made the small one’s heart shake. Something about this touch felt so much different than the others, and he couldn’t bear to stop and snuzzle in it longer.

“There’s nothing wrong with not knowing who you love. Feelings are,” Guy paused, giving a chuckle, “a lot to manage. But trust me when I say that whatever struggles we encounter, whatever obstacles in our  _ relationship _ appear, we’ll get through them together. As partners.”

The lantern’s light started to flicker, feeling uneasy with the sudden, cold breeze outside. 

“I love you a lot,” Sam mustered, his eyelashes fluttering against Guy’s hand, before he rambled: “I-I don't know if it’s..in a  _ romantic _ sense. I mean, it  _ is _ , but—“ He got flustered quickly. For the first time in a while, the most genuine and biggest smile was drawn on Sam’s face.

Ever so subtly the two inched closer, their breathes intertwining. Guy said softly, “I understand. I feel the same way, you know? It can be confusing when you don’t know if your feelings for your friend are legitimate.”

Sam scoffed. “Easy for you to say,” He playfully replied.

“I’m serious!” Guy whispered, amused. “You have no idea the amount of times I spent with you that made me consider it.”

The two got ever closer. The lantern’s light flickered faster. Sam’s smile slowly turned to neutral, and he shifted his eyes downward before looking back up. They had this longing gleam, one that made it say  _ Am I worth it? Am I worth something to you _ ?

As if Guy heard Sam’s thoughts, he replied: “Nobody in the world could ever replace you; you are worth everything to me.”

Their faces were mere inches apart. Their foreheads nearly clicked together, and their eyes never left contact. The rain nor breeze nor rapid candle light could interrupt them.

“Would you allow me into your life?” Sam asked softly.

“I do if  _ you  _ allow me.”

It took a few timid seconds before they finally gave in, their lips coming into contact the second the light blew out on its own. As they linked together, it was a perfect blend of passionate, but gentle.

Their hands were clasped on the sides of each other’s faces, taking it all in without a second thought. Their own kiss became a second, and then a third. There would be an occasional slight hand from Sam, though, who would comb his hand through Guy’s ears or neck fluff, and Guy couldn’t help but snicker through their growing number of kisses. It was all intimately close and a moment that lasted all too short for the duo.

Still, the two enjoyed it for what the other could give. It was only after their bundle of kisses that they pulled back to look at each other’s eyes, realizing the lantern was out cold.

The two laughed to themselves from the realization. They were linked together in a hug; Sam had his face buried in Guy’s neck fluff, while Guy held him close with his hands gently on Sam’s back and neck.

Guy sighed heavily. “You’re pretty good at this, aren’t you?” He said lightheartedly. Sam snickered in Guy’s fluff, his eyes closed and a full-smile beaming.

“It’s my first time,” Sam said truthfully. He tried to look up at him, and despite the tent being pitch black, he could sense Guy’s presence there with him. He was wanted. He was  _ loved _ . There was nothing else that he could ever need. “No one’s ever asked.”

It was too dark to see, but Guy could tell Sam was looking to his side, reminiscing on his past. He let out a sigh in sympathy. “Hey. No need to think about back then. Whatever happened there, you finally have now.”

He closed their gap and concealed each other in each other’s hug. They sat there for what felt like minutes before Guy let out a gruff, a chilled shiver running down his body: “It’s getting late. And cold.” 

Same ‘ol Knox Sam knew so well. Guy rubbed his palms on Sam’s body, reassuring that they were both still together in the dark. 

He cautiously reached his hand down to the floor in order to find his sleeping bag. He found contact with it and shuffled over it, keeping his hold on Sam.

Guy laid his back on the bag, too tired and too dark for him to care for the blankets. He realized that Sam was still on him, laying on his chest like a kitten.

“..Do you want me to get off?” Sam asked sincerely, unsure if he was overstepping. 

Guy mumbled a soft  _ no,  _ arching his hand over to Sam’s back to keep him close. The duo embraced in each other’s warmth, never stopping to think about the world outside of the tent. The rain began to clear up, with its last few drops of water easing them both.

“I’m happy to be with you,” Guy said, already half-asleep. 

“I’m happy too….” Sam yawned, stretching casually in order to make himself feel comfortable. 

Sam began to rest, his eyes feeling droopy, his body exhausted. The only thing in the world that mattered to him was Guy at that very moment. All his worries and fears were stashed away, leaving them behind for just this moment. 

His mind could only fixate on the idea of love, and what that meant for so many people. What love can make people do and feel.

And you know what? Sam was happy to be loved.

**Author's Note:**

> check me out on twit/insta/tumblr: corvivacious


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